We Couldn't Be There

We are not sure how much Nina understands the English language. Sometimes it seems like she has a great grasp, while other times we wonder if she understands what we are asking or saying to her.

We are still puzzled by her behaviors at times. What seems a normal situation, can send her into her own world, where she can easily be irritated or upset. This times are hard for all of us emotionally. It makes us wonder what exactly took place at the orphanage, and what her life was like.

I shared in a previous post, that the first time I walked into Nina's room, they were not expecting me and I was sure that a little girl was going to be tied down to the smaller wooden pen. I saw this same little girl being smacked across the face and her ear pulled as she was dragged to a chair because she was not fast enough. never mind that she too has Cerebral palsy and could not walk. The impatience and lack of love were heart breaking. Praise God Oksana has a family waiting to go get her!

I tried to teach a worker how to feed a little boy with Down syndrome by helping support his jaw. She said she had not time for that and shoved the food into his mouth. His eyes watering and gulping, gasping for air, maybe even aspirating with every spoonful going in his mouth. He too has a family ready to come get him.

I saw other children treated harshly and being punished. And I saw more. And what I saw will forever be in my heart, and it will remind me that these children live in dark and scary places, and that those with special needs are abused even more, because it is easier to hurt those that are weaker.

Nina's recent reaction to having her braces put on, along with other behaviors, made Andy wonder if Nina had been tied to her crib as punishment. We have found out that it is not the braces that make her cry, but rather having her lay down and getting them strapped on her, the noise of the Velcro, and having something that "restricts" her body. Once she is up and walking, this is not an issue.

A friend who is also adopting from Ukraine wrote on her blog, "We showed up unannounced one day at the orphanage. All the children were in the big wooden playpen. They were all tied to the slots of the playpen so they couldn't move. No wonder they didn't want us to come in the room."

So we asked Nina today about her life at the orphanage, not sure if she understands us, not sure if she knows how to communicate with us.

"Nina?" I asked, "Were you tied down on your crib? Did you have to lie down and they would tie you?" She looked at me, a sad expression, her little lip came out, and the tears started to come, she said softly, "yes." And she cried some more. I held her so close to me, wishing I could take that away from her, wishing that somehow she had not had to go through that. Andy asked her why they did that. "Nina naughty, Nina naughty." She responded.

We were not there to protect her for the first 3 years of her life. She has gone through so much in her short life, and there is nothing we can do about it. We will never be able to take that away. We can love, and we can pray, that is what we can do.

I think of how we almost allowed money to be an issue. I think of how I almost said Cerebral palsy was too much for me to handle. Those things are so insignificant now, so small.

My heart breaks for orphans around the world. My heart breaks for my daughter. And it aches, oh how it aches, that there were times where she was tied down to a crib, treated like an animal, starved of comfort or love. Never again, never again. Our loving arms will wrap her close, and whisper how much we care.

Today I was her mother, I felt it. I will protect my sweet girl as best I can.

-------

You can find many waiting children with special needs on Reeces Rainbow. They all need a family, they all have suffered enough!

Adoption: When You Meet The Child You Have Been Dreaming About

The anticipation was overwhelming. I thought the moment I finally laid eyes on Nina would be one of those moments that you never forget, one of those moments that are etched in your heart forever and become one of the most joyous and sweet memories of my life. I wondered if I would cry that first time and if she would feel the same bond I already felt. Would she be able to sense all the love I had for her?

Although we were able to move through the adoption process quickly, the waiting seemed too long, and our desire for Nina to be a part of our family grew stronger and stronger as the days went by. My love for her was so intense that it pushed me to get things done and to be relentless when it came to the paperwork nightmare. I cried many tears in frustration but I would do whatever I had to do to get my daughter home and out of the orphanage.

Someone said to me along this process, “You love them just the same as if they were your own.” When I heard that statement, I could not have agreed more.

The day we walked into the orphanage for the first time my stomach was in knots. I did not know what to expect but we were so excited to see our beautiful girl.

Workers came in and out of the room we were sitting at. It took me a while to realize that the little girl that one of the workers held in her arms was Nina. I had seen them walk in the room and had even made eye contact with her, but I did not recognize her. All I saw was an orphan with a misshapen head and lost eyes.

“That’s Nina” I said to Andy

“I know” he replied

We both saw her, we both stared, we both held our breaths. We did not have to say it, because both of us were shocked at her appearance and demeanor. She looked different than the pictures we had seen.

Reality stepped in, it sat next to me, and it held my hand.

The worker sat next to us with Nina in her arms. Andy and I tried to interact with her, but she seemed so lost. They told us she was nervous and that she was acting shy. They assured us that she was smart and outgoing. But regardless of what they said, what we saw was much different. We saw a girl with vacant eyes and what appeared to be a great cognitive delay. Her behavior made me question if she had autism as well. The most interaction we got with her was when I showed her my camera, and she offered a lost smile. (You can watch that video here)

Back in our apartment in Kyiv, Reality accompanied us. Andy and I questioned if we were making the right choice. The child that we had met seemed to have many special needs that would require work and attention. Was it fair to Ellie and Nichole? How would they be impacted by having such a low functioning sister?

Most of all, Reality explained to us that we never had loved Nina at all. What we had come to love so strongly was the “idea” of who Nina was. The Nina we had created in our hearts and minds had pushed us to come this far. Without her, we wouldn’t be there. But that Nina had to go, because the real Nina waited for us.

Fear then knocked on the door. We cracked the door open a little and asked questions, because Fear was right, we knew so little about Nina, and so little about the future. We had no idea what life would be like with Nina in our family, and we had no way to predict how she would affect her sister’s lives. But before Fear could come into our apartment we were reminded of this: “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.”

We thanked Fear for coming, for making us think, and we closed the door.

God had been in the adoption process all along. He had showed us His love and mercy in ways we had never seen or experienced before. The ways He had chosen to show Himself to us were a clear indication that this was what He wanted us to do. We were scared, and we often thought of Fear, but we had a promise. The promise that God would walk with us every step of the way.

Over the next weeks we would have to get to know this little orphan girl, one that would soon become our daughter. We had to learn to love the real Nina, the one who so desperately needed us, the one that we had come to save.

-------------------------------

Andy wrote about the same in his annual report, to read his perspective, click here.

Gotcha Day!!!

Where do I start? How do I describe this day, all the emotions that I have, all that has taken place in just a few shirt hours?

It is 7:44 pm here. Nina is sleeping peacefully although an hour ago I thought we were in for a tough night. Either I need to learn Russian or she needs to pick up English fast! I don't know how many times Nina was trying to tell me that she wanted her pacifier, but after a good half hour I figured it out! Oh poor girl, her mama needs to remember what mamas do after my long month break (yes, I have been gone for exactly a month!)

We started the day with an adventure. I was getting picked up at MacDonald's at 8:30. When my translator called and asked where I was and I said right outside MacDonald's and she said she could not see me I realized I went to the wrong place! She came and got me and all was well, we were just a little bit late.

All was well at the birth certificate place, except for one thing, they ran out of the paper to make them. So they sent us away promising that it would be ready by 2:00 pm. It meant, we could not stop by the tax office either. So we went to get Nina and arrived at around 11:00. We were there for about 2 hours! I got to see her eat lunch and then we finally left!

The birth certificate place then had misplaced some documents. We waited. I am not sure what happened but our facilitator ran to the tax place to drop off a document he had promised. He didn't get it, he said maybe tomorrow or Thursday. He said he will do his best to have us home by Christmas. I hope so too!

We have been home and have had a great time, full of discoveries, pushing limits and more!

She is figuring out that if she tells me she has to go to the bathroom, I will stop anything and take her. Well, I am not sure she is really potty trained, but she is getting me pretty well trained!

She was stinky, so I had to give her a bath. Well, let me tell you, she loved it! Yes, she really did! I thought it would be screaming and kicking but oh my she loved it! So she started telling me she had to go potty, we get to the bathroom, and she help take her pants off, and diaper, and then points at the bath! Yes, she loved it!

Throwing things, dropping things...she is figuring out what her limits are. Which of course is expected! It is now 9:00 and she is not sleeping yet. Obviously this post has taken me some time. When she first woke up she pointed to the computer and said daddy. She obviously is getting that she can be sweet and cute and maybe get her way.

But she is with me, she is mine! No more nights at the orphanage, no more nights without a mama! We are getting to know each other and it feels so good to have her with me!

Tax Code: Keep the Prayers Coming!

I just got word that our facilitator was able to apply for the tax code! He said tomorrow we will stop by and show them the new birth certificate. At that point they can give us the tax code or make us wait!
Pray that we do get the tax code! Pray with us, then we can really get things moving! With God all things are possible, and He can make this happen!

Tomorrow is a big day for us. Tomorrow is "gotcha day!"

In the morning I will go and get Nina's new birth certificate. Andy and I will be listed as her parents, her birth certificate will actually read "Nina Stumbo!"

After that, we are stopping by the tax office to check on the tax code. If we get it back, we can even apply for the passport later in the day.

From there we go to the orphanage and we get Nina!

Our translator told me she went to the orphanage today to get some pictures. She told me she got to see Nina.

"She looks differnt." She said

"What do you mean different?" I asked

"She looks different than last time I saw her, different form all the other kids"

"And why is that?"

"I can tell the difference, because she looked loved"

Yes, Nina is loved, she is loved! And that has made all the difference!

She Is Ours!

Thursday December 3rd 2009. The day we became parents for the third time.

It is official. We have a daughter, Nina Shuraeva Stumbo!

(Pictures to follow, internet connection is not working well)

She Likes Us!

Today we got to go see Nina again. Of course as we got there we realized that I had left the camera's memory card at home so we couldn't take any pictures!

This time I got to go see Nina's room, they let me come but not Andy. When we got there, a lady told me to come to the back. Nina lives in a large room with a HUGE wooden playpen. I think she spends most of the day in there with the other kids in her group. Behind the playpen are the cribs, and next to the playpen a table where she eats. Yes, I really do believe that she spends most of her time in this one room. However, we do know that kids go outside to play. Not sure what they do with Nina since she cannot walk.

Well Nina was sitting on a chair, spaced out, until the worker grabbed her. I think it startled her from the nothingness that was going on. She smiled at me as soon as she saw me :) The worker motioned for me to leave the room and to take off my coat. She followed me with Nina on her hip.

Andy was waiting with Frank in a room and once they handed Nina over to me, I kissed her...a lot. I think she liked it, but she was still a little "spaced out." She did smile big for Andy too when she saw him. He kissed her too but I think his beard really bothers her, I keep telling Andy he has to shave for her sake :) We tried to play with her a little, but they moved us to a different room, the doctor's office.

Frank got to go outside to play with Kellsey, and we stayed in the room with Nina...and the doctor. It made for a different visit. Nina was in her own little world today, yet, wanting all out attention. She figured out she likes us to tickle her, so she will take off crawling so we can chase her and tickle her. She really loves this game.

We did have an incident where the parrot in the doctor's office somehow got out of its cage. let me tell you, it was quite humorous as Nina wanted to go get it, the parrot was flying around, and 2 workers were trying to catch it! One of them finally did but got a good bite!

I think just like with our girls back home, there are good days, there are bad days, and there are normal days. It is part of life and parenting. Same with our visits with Nina. Today was normal, Monday had been fantastic!

Nina did not seem to want to say goodbye to Andy, we were not sure if she was just shy or if she did not understand. When I took her to the back, the doctor offered to take her. Nina looked at her and shook her head "no." The doctor asked her if she wanted her mama, Nina said yes. We took her back to the room, one of her caregivers came to get her, again Nina shook her head at them "no." They asked her if she wanted her mama, and Nina said yes. Then her favorite caretaker came, well, we still don't measure up to her because she went to her easily, but I am pretty sure the worker told her it was time to eat :)

Then they said to me that Nina talks about us. She talks about her mama and her papa with his tickle on his face. I loved it, I loved the fact that she said no to them, that she wanted us.

Soon sweet girl! Really soon! Tomorrow after court, she will officially be ours, she will be a Stumbo!

Prepare to "awwww"

Here are the pictures from yesterday. Nina was happy. One of the pictures is when she was shaking the doll and the last picture is when Andy was throwing her up in the air so she could see herself in the mirror.

And enjoy the video! It is way sweet! It all started because Andy would kiss her and she did not like the feel of his beard, so I would tell her it "tickled" and then touched Andy's beard and said "tickle." So now you can see what Nina did after I showed her :)

Sunday

Today we got to go to church, it was in English!!! It was great to worship.

Other observations we have made.

-Everyone smokes. I think we heard a statistic that 95% of people here smoke. So far we agree. It is crazy to see young teenagers smoking at a restaurant. Actually, restaurant menud have a cigarette section.

-Women here wear high heel boots everyday! Crazy since their streets are cobble stone.

-Men do not have facial hair. Well, let's say Andy sticks out in the crowd with his beard and tan coat.

-Lots of drinking. Vodka is cheaper than water, so...

-Water here is different, so after washing clothes, they are like cardboard. We finally bought more softener, I might have put a little bit more. Same with my hair. Oh well, I am sure here they know what products to buy for clothes and hair :)

-There are no dryers, only washers. Everyone hangs their clothes, and thankfully, we can dry ours on the heaters.

As for Nina observations

-Her legs are pretty stiff, but she can somehow pull herself up to a stand and move along furniture. This gives us hope that a good walker and physical therapy will really help.

-She can crawl some, but instead of moving her legs one at a time, she drags both of them. She actually kneels and walks on her knees.

-She can definitely get around.

-Her feet do not touch flat on the ground, her legs are bent, and one of her legs is kind of "in." Again, surgery will really help!

-She thinks being told "no" is funny and she should do it again!

-She loves to figure out how things work, and how things fit together. We got her crayons and a coloring book. Her sisters color all day, but Nina, oh no, she wants to get the crayons out of the box, and put them back in perfectly in a row :)

-She loves bubbles, and she is getting the idea of play-doh because we have a little toy where you put play-doh in and push a lever to make it come out (how things work!)

We will hopefully go see her tomorrow, so if we do, I will post more pictures and most likely another video :)

Today's Visit

Today we were able to go see Nina again. We saw her in a different room, I think this is where they play most of the time. She was shy again when she saw us, but recognized us right away as her "mama" and "papa."

She smelled pretty bad. Dirty and urine all mixed together. She was hesitant when they handed her to me, she looked at me and shoke her head "no." while pushing me away. We sat her at a little chair and she kept saying "no." Finally we pulled out some toys and she liked that.

We had our visit with our friend and his daughter, so I think that helped too. We had the girls sitting at a table and all was well as they both looked at each other's special toys from their parents. It was cute, Kellsey especially wanted to check out what Nina had making sure it wasn't hers. Nina then would kind of pull it away. Pretty typical kids!

Some lady thought she should stop by and check on us (we were meeting with NIna lone for the first time) Not a good idea! Nina wanted that lady and almost lost it. She grabbed me and was pulling up, she wanted to get down!

I picked her up but held her, she was not so convinced about it, so I sat on a table and finally she calmed down when Andy gave her our picture album. I think it helped that the lady finally walked out of the room.

She really did not want me to put her down anymore.

Another lady come back to check on us (sigh) Nina wanted to get down, it was good though because she held on to my hands and tried to walk. She does okay, her legs really are terrible, and she needs help walking, but it is amazing how well she can move.

We closed the door and Andy tried to hold her. She would not sit on his lap, she would cling to me. A reminder that as much as she likes him to play with, she has never ever had a man in her life. Kids here are scared of men.

(A little girl walked in the room, saw Andy and Frank and terror covered her face, she lost it, poor thing)

It was tough, it is such a small room and even with our toys we can only entertain for so long.

When we said goodbye she let us kiss her (okay, I kissed her a lot!) She kissed e back, but would not kiss Andy. She does find his beard pretty interesting.

She did tell everyone we are her mama and papa.

However, as soon as she saw her favorite caregiver, she wanted her and she was done with us. So we left. I came home and had to change my clothes, they smelled like urine. The orphanage here really cares for these kids, I know it is not neglect, but the reality that there are too many kids here, and not enough workers. I wish there was something else we could do. They do love Nina, there is no question about that, they love her!

Okay, I hope this does not sound negative, we really did enjoy our visit with her so much! We just cannot wait to have her with us all the time!

Thanksgiving Day

We had much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving day!

Our referral allowed us to go to the orphanage and have our official meeting with Nina. Amazing what a piece of paper can do. The doctor and the workers were happy to see us and we realized how worried they really were due to the quarantine.

We were also given freedom to interact with Nina, and let me tell you, it was WONDERFUL!

She is very shy, and once she got on that little bike, there was no getting her off of it. We offered her to get down a few times and she just would shake her head "no."

Of course she had a lot of fun with her daddy, he is the funniest and the best!

She laughed so hard with him!

They also told us that Nina had been telling the workers all day that her mama was coming. Somehow she knew :)

We had a wonderful visit with her, we felt so encouraged and cannot wait for her to come home with us!

Here are some pictures and a short videos for you to enjoy!

First Meeting

This is a short video I took of Nina the first time we met her. This is when she was too shy to interact with us and would not make eye contact, but the camera made her smile, eventually I was ablet o get close to her and show her the video and a picture I had taken.

I know this is not much, but this is what we have of her.