Adoption: Falling In Love

Our dear friends, the McLelands, adopted a baby girl not even a year ago. Bill said to us shortly after they had gotten her home, “I didn’t know if it would be possible to love an adopted child as much as your biological children, but we love this baby girl, it makes no difference how she came into our family, we love her just the same.”

“You love them just the same.”

“I bet she fits perfectly in your family.”

“It must feel like she has always been a part of your family.”

Often, when I hear statements like these I think about McLelands, knowing they can wholeheartedly agree. But when those statements are said to me, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I know the right thing to say is “yes.” It makes me wonder if adopting an infant is different from adopting an older child because I am still in the process of getting there, I have yet to arrive.

I love Nina. There is no doubt about it, but I cannot say that my love for her is the same as it is for Ellie and Nichole. When the girls fight, my first instinct is to side with Ellie and Nichole, or to comfort them first. I find myself being less patient with Nina, or feeling annoyed when she wants to join in if I try to have one-on-one time with one of the other girls. At times, it even feels like I am babysitting some else’s child.

The truth is, adopting an older child for us was not love at first sight, but rather, a journey of falling in love.

For almost 4 years, we lived without Nina, and she lived without us. We have come together, all of us, with our past. We have different languages, different cultures, different rules. We are just getting to know each other. At times I am sure she is confused, and she does not understand what is happening in her new world. At times I am confused and I do not understand why she acts a certain way. Our communication is broken in many ways as we try to understand each other. Nina is learning what it is like to have a mommy and a daddy and sisters. She is just discovering that we really are her promise of forever; we will never walk away from her, never. She is learning to trust.

Adoption is a journey of falling in love, for all of us. A journey with highs and lows as we walk along the path. And we are falling in love.

Nina smiles, she gives us hugs, she signs “I love you,” and says “I lou wu” She makes silly faces and thrives in our praises.

Nina is a precious little girl. She is sweet and charming. She has brought so much joy into our lives and she has shown us much about God’s heart as Heavenly Father. Our family needed Nina, in more ways that we will ever understand.

And we are, we are falling in love, madly in love with this little girl.

It has been a month

I have had Nina with me for a month (yesterday). Time went by so quickly, yet, our time in Ukraine is still tainted with raw feelings of the emotional hardships. It feels like our life together really started when we got home. We have had 2 wonderful weeks as a family!

Please understand, my time with Nina when it was just the 2 of us was great, but the emotional journey that the rest of our family took during that time was very hard. Being in an unfamiliar place where people spoke Nina's language which made her reject me at times made it hard too. It is good to be home!

Nina is doing fantastic. She is picking up on English quickly and she is showing us more and more of who she is. She has many words and is even starting to put 2 word sentences together with the words that she knows. Things like "Nina eat" "sit here" "follow me" "no touch" "I try" etc.

Two days ago she really got interested in using her walker and she is doing fantastic with it. She finds great joy in her accomplishment and thrives in Andy and I encouraging her and delighting in her. Even while Nichole follows her around trying to take the walker while saying, "Mine!"

Being delighted in. What a wonderful feeling for Nina, there are people in her life that delight in her. She is loved, she is wanted, she is celebrated. Just like her sisters.

Becoming a Family

It has been only a little over a week since Nina and I got back home. I will honestly say that it is nice to be away from Russian speaking people. Nina showed a marked preference for those she understood and it is important for her to be attached to us, we are her family. I know she gets frustrated with the language barrier, but at the same time, she is picking up on English quickly.

Some of her phrases in English are, "Oh goodness!" "No touch," "It's okay" "I know" "Nina play" "Baby Signing Time" "I love you"

And she has many words.

Nina no longer cries or screams at night. She has found great comfort in the fact that Nichole is right there in the room with her in a crib next to hers. It is what Nina was used to. Nichole is having more of an adjustment as Nichole talks and talks to Nina until they both fall asleep. Tonight, Nina gave us kisses and she waved "paka" at Andy and I as we laid the girls down to sleep.

When we were in Ukraine, Nina did not want much to do with Andy. She was okay playing with him and sitting next to him, but touching or holding were very hard for her. As soon as we got home and Nina saw her sisters love on their daddy, and their daddy love on them, she decided to give Andy a try. So after one day, she became a daddy's little girl.

That first day together (January 1st) Andy rolled on the floor with the girls, Nina joining in the fun and tickles. Andy and I looked at each other for a moment. Understanding in our eyes, our hearts full. This is what we had been dreaming for, this is what we wanted to do for this once orphan girl, now our daughter.

There has been adjustment at home. Some very good and some hard. The 3 girls are getting to know each other and they have good moments and not so good. Nina is not very affectionate (due to the orphanage) and has a hard time accepting physical love especially from Ellie. I am sure she never received any form the other kids. Ellie has a very hard time being rejected, pushed, hit, or hair pulled by Nina. Nichole is jealous and yet Nina seems to follow Nichole quite a bit, she likes her very much. They are at about the same developmental stage. Nichole is more advanced except for speech, so they play well (next to each other) but Nina is quickly catching up as she learns and explores the world every day.

Andy and I feel exhausted by the end of the day, but we seem to be more disciplined in some areas (because we have to!) However, if you feel like helping us clean our house, you are welcome! The pile of dishes is high and the bathrooms and floors need some cleaning :)

So finally, here are some pictures of our family! (Mainly the 3 girls)

The Journey Home: Reunited

As soon as we landed I tried to call Andy but I was getting his voice mail right away. I called my sister and told her we were home, my voice cracking with emotion.

Nina was sleeping and I decided I would just cover her with my winter coat, I did not want to wake her up getting her own winter gear on. I carefully laid her down in the wheelchair and she was able to sleep as we raced through the halls.

As we approached entered the elevator that would take us to the baggage claim, more tears made their way down my cheeks. I would see my family soon.

As we walked out the sliding doors I frantically started searching for Andy and my family. I saw him standing across the baggage claim carousel with my friend Leah, both of them trying to find me.

I did not care if I made a scene, I yelled, "Honey!" "Andy!" He turned and saw me waving like a fool. I looked over at the nice man pushing Nina and motioned for him to follow me. I ran. So did Ellie, straight into my arms!

"Mommy" she said in her sweet voice. "Why are you crying."

"Because I missed you so much sweetie!"

And we hugged some more.

Then I saw my husband, oh how I love him and how I missed him. We hugged and cried into each other's arms. Nichole slept on his chest.

After a while Ellie asked where Nina was. I told her she was in the wheelchair, underneath my coat. Ellie lifted it gently and looked at Nina.

"Oh She is so cute!" she said. "Oh Nina! You are real!"

Yes, Nina was real. She really had a sister. And in no time Ellie woke her up.

Andy's sister and her husband (Amy and Ben) were there too. And Ellie told Amy that Nina was really real.

My dad and sisters were there, and so was my mom and her friend.

We were finally together.

The long journey home had brought us there, to the airport. Such a magnitude of emotions rushing in. if only those watching knew what was taking place. But we knew, and that was all that mattered.

We are home!

And thanks to my friend Leah here are some pictures of our reunion.

Redemption by Derek Leux

Derex Leux was a man that loved God and followed Him. He worked for the International House of Prayer and had a heart for adoption. His journey led him to Reece's Rainbow where him and his wife Renee adopted 3 children from Ukraine last year. One with Spina Bifida, and 2 with Down syndrome. Yesterday, Derek was killed in a car accident, our Reece's Rainbow family grieves his loss. As I have struggled with being here for so long, I found this post by him, written last year, when he was here in Ukraine.

Allow the words from this man to touch your hearts. Have a Merry Christmas!!!

Redemption by Derek Leux (bold added by me)

Friday, December 12, 2008

Renee' and I are sitting in the office of a telephone company in Novograd Valenski, Ukraine, using wireless internet. We are in the middle of adopting three special needs boys from an orphanage here. Two of the boys have Down Syndrome. Roman is high functioning, energetic and happy. Dimitri has serious mental retardation, failure to thrive, and though he is five years old, he is the size of a 1 year old. He has sores on his face, a distinct smell of death on him, and yells out if we try to do anything with him other than hold him. Because he has less ability to respond and learn, he naturally gets less attention and care from the orphanage workers in this world of limited resources. The harsh reality of the "survival of the fittest" principle is a life and death struggle that this little boy is losing fast. Our third boy Sasha, is a brilliant six year old who has Spina Bifida (the condition our son Josiah died from in 1996). He is like a learning sponge that can't get enough! He is happy and alert and thirsty for knowledge and experience. So with two of our boys, we get an immediate return on any investment we make. With Dimitri, there's not much immediate gratification. In fact, it's unknown when and if there will be a return at all. This is the kind of situation that makes the carnal, fallen, human reasoning think, "Why try? What's the point? What will this produce? What good will this do? Why not select a boy who has more potential? This looks like a lost cause.

Two days ago we drove for hours into the Ukrainian countryside to the village where Dimitri was born. We met with officials there and signed papers and answered their questions. We also went and saw Dimitri's house. The day had been long, we were still recovering from jet lag, I was beginning to really miss my six daughters at home and all the familiar things our fragile human hearts entangle themselves with in feeble attempts to feel secure. Sitting in the dark on our very long drive back to Novograd that night, the Holy Spirit began to whisper to my heart, and new understanding about redemption began to take shape.

I was thinking, "Man, adopting this little boy has been so much work. This is exhausting, expensive, uncomfortable… and it doesn't feel very rewarding right now." What am I doing in some little Soviet car in the dark, in the middle of rural Ukraine in frozen December, as the driver dodges cats and potholes? What if Dimitri doesn't improve at all? What if we get "nothing" out of this? Ahhh, there it was; that dark, fallen, unreedemed, selfish human love, rooted in the tree of the knowledge of "good and evil". The love the Greeks called "erao" love. The love where we treat someone as precious and treasured for what we can get out of it. This is unlike "agapeo" love, the God kind of love that treats someone as treasured and precious for their good, not for my good. It's when I love a person in order to meet their needs, having no expectation of them meeting any of my needs. At a whole new level, God is working His kind of love into myweak heart, and He's using little Dimitri to do it.

On the drive home that night, the Lord whispered in my ear, "This is Redemption. Derek, do you know how far I travelled to get you and bring you back? I had to be separated from my Son, in order to get you, just like you are separated from your children in order to get these boys. Do you know how expensive it was for Me to purchase you? It cost me everything. Do you know how broken, sick, damaged, twisted, dirty, smelly, and hopeless you were? And at the end of it all, you had nothing to give me or add to me. I did it for you. I emptied myself and became nothing so that you could have it all. This is redemption.

My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can't even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him… but… he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly "Papa" feels towards us.

Today, settle your busy heart down and rest in the benefits of redemption. Enjoy the fruits of His goodness, and stop trying to "pay Him back". You'll never get close you goofy little kid.

You can visit their family blog HERE.

We have a passport!

We got our passport today! As I got back on the taxi I couldn't help but cry, we are getting closer, we are going home, finally. This time the end is in sight!

Tomorrow morning we get Nina's medical done so on Monday when we go to the Embassy we will have all our documentation ready and we should get our Visa that same afternoon. Then we can come home Monday night or Tuesday morning!

Productive Day

Nina and I are exhausted this afternoon. We had a long and productive morning and we are ready to take it easy until we go to our friend's house for dinner. This kind of day makes me feel good as things move forward.

This morning we started the day a little later than I wanted. Nina is used to waking up at 8:30 and we needed to be out the door by 8:15. I could not wake her up! Finally, I asked her if she wanted a banana and she got out of bed!

So we got to the passport place and we waited for a little bit until we were able to take Nina's picture. I signed some papers and that was that. Then we waited some more so the right lady could get there. I think this is the lady that makes things happen quickly. While we waited, my facilitator was telling me that Nina's tax code had come in with a mistake in the name...what!!! He was telling me that hopefully nobody would notice. So, when the translator got there I asked her about it, she checked and said no, there is no mistake. Either our facilitator got his English confused and meant to say sometimes that happens, or he really has no idea what we decided to name Nina (which is my guess, he must think they kept her last name by mistake, but we are making that her middle name). So that was a relief!

Then we headed back to where the orphanage is at. The bank is there and Nina had some money in a bank account (all orphans have an account) we got the money, but we gave it to the orphanage as a gift. The orphanage is about an hour away from Kyiv, so that was a long drive for Nina. But she did wonderful through all the waiting and such.

At the bank I let her crawl around. An older gentleman that works there was telling Nina that she was beautiful...and to get up. Eventually he came to her and picked her up to make her stand...yeah, she can't do that, she cannot stand on her own without holding on to something for support. At this point with her legs, it is impossible for her to do that. So I came to hold on to Nina's hands. I think at this point the man figured out that she had a disability and that was that for him giving Nina any attention. Sad that this culture sees those with disabilities as less.

So we came back and we were starving. So we stopped at TGI Friday's. The booth behind us was an American man with a Ukranian woman. The man dropped the R word left and right and I thought I would say something, but then he was also using the N word and many other words. I was also glad Nina did not understand what they were talking about as it was adult material.

And then it was time to come home, and Nina and I were going to have to walk. So I got my handy wrap sling and I am so glad that I brought it! Nina and I had to stop by and pay for our apartment, then we stopped by the toy store, and then we came home.

I got a workout carrying Nina and my backpack, but I know I will be able to do it at the airports when I have to.

We are now home, and Nina is playing with the new toy (lacing animals, great for Nichole too!)

So where are we at in the process?

The passport is supposed to get here Thursday or Friday. Either way we will not make it to the US Embassy until Monday as it closes for Christmas. Which also means that hopefully we can come home next Tuesday. Unless the Passport came in Thursday morning, we will not be home on Friday.

How do I feel about it? Good. Yes, sad that I will not be home by Christmas but at least I know what is going to happen! There are no more empty promises and days where they tell us we are getting something just to be heart broken and get nothing. There is no emotional roller coaster anymore, it is what it is, and we are coming home on Tuesday. There is something very peaceful about just being done with the uncertainty and just enjoying our days here, because yes, last week was not enjoyable at all.

So in one week Nina and I will get on a plane and come home! Finally! It will be 46 days for me by the time we get home. I cannot wait to see my girls and my husband. I sure miss them.

So this was today, and in a while, we will get picked up to go have dinner with friends. A good day indeed :)

When Love Takes You In

What a wonderful day full of emotion. As Nina and I said goodbye, there were many tears. Tears from her favorite worker, who was struggling not to cry, she gave Nina a kiss and a hug, and as she walked away I saw in her face a broken heart, yet, happiness for this sweet girl. The doctor too was teary eyed, and as all the worker gathered around, I could not help but cry too.

I thanked them for all they have done for Nina for 3 1/2 years. I thanked them for their love, for their care. I told them that they would always have a dear place in our hearts and that we would tell Nina about the wonderful people that were a part of her life while she lived in Ukraine.

Then we walked out of the orphanage. Nina was confused and pointed at the door. "We are not going back Nina" I whispered in her ear, "You are coming home to mama."

I recently found the song "When Love Takes You In" by Steven Curtis Chapman, I cannot embed it, but click HERE to watch the video and listen to the words.

I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

Yesterday our translator said that Nina looked different, that she looked love. I saw it today, I looked for it. The rest of the children did not look loved, they are wondering if someday love will take them in. I held Marshall today, I helped feed him. I tickled him and took a little video. Oh how I want him to have a family. Most of the kids cried with me there. Did they know I was taking Nina, that love would take her in? Did they want that too? That little boy that is all over the place was hungry for love, I could see it. So I sat by him as he ate lunch and held his hand, he loved it, that is all he wants...love.

Will love take them in? Will you take one of them in?

Gotcha Day!!!

Where do I start? How do I describe this day, all the emotions that I have, all that has taken place in just a few shirt hours?

It is 7:44 pm here. Nina is sleeping peacefully although an hour ago I thought we were in for a tough night. Either I need to learn Russian or she needs to pick up English fast! I don't know how many times Nina was trying to tell me that she wanted her pacifier, but after a good half hour I figured it out! Oh poor girl, her mama needs to remember what mamas do after my long month break (yes, I have been gone for exactly a month!)

We started the day with an adventure. I was getting picked up at MacDonald's at 8:30. When my translator called and asked where I was and I said right outside MacDonald's and she said she could not see me I realized I went to the wrong place! She came and got me and all was well, we were just a little bit late.

All was well at the birth certificate place, except for one thing, they ran out of the paper to make them. So they sent us away promising that it would be ready by 2:00 pm. It meant, we could not stop by the tax office either. So we went to get Nina and arrived at around 11:00. We were there for about 2 hours! I got to see her eat lunch and then we finally left!

The birth certificate place then had misplaced some documents. We waited. I am not sure what happened but our facilitator ran to the tax place to drop off a document he had promised. He didn't get it, he said maybe tomorrow or Thursday. He said he will do his best to have us home by Christmas. I hope so too!

We have been home and have had a great time, full of discoveries, pushing limits and more!

She is figuring out that if she tells me she has to go to the bathroom, I will stop anything and take her. Well, I am not sure she is really potty trained, but she is getting me pretty well trained!

She was stinky, so I had to give her a bath. Well, let me tell you, she loved it! Yes, she really did! I thought it would be screaming and kicking but oh my she loved it! So she started telling me she had to go potty, we get to the bathroom, and she help take her pants off, and diaper, and then points at the bath! Yes, she loved it!

Throwing things, dropping things...she is figuring out what her limits are. Which of course is expected! It is now 9:00 and she is not sleeping yet. Obviously this post has taken me some time. When she first woke up she pointed to the computer and said daddy. She obviously is getting that she can be sweet and cute and maybe get her way.

But she is with me, she is mine! No more nights at the orphanage, no more nights without a mama! We are getting to know each other and it feels so good to have her with me!

10 Days: Waiting

A week ago my good friend Catherine sent me an e-mail with the song "While I am Waiting" bu John Waller. That same day my friend Dora has sent me a message saying she had heard the song and had thought about us.

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Today, our 10 day waiting period is over. It is over, but we are still waiting. I still have to wait 2 more days to get Nina out of the orphanage, and I have to wait to have all our paperwork done so that we can come home.

No, waiting is not easy, adoption is not easy. The roller coaster of emotions has taken us on the ride of a lifetime. At times it has been exciting, at times it has been scary. At times we have wanted to stop the ride altogether, and at times we enjoy the wind on our face as we flip and turn. But all along, our emotions have been tender and there have been many tears along the way. Sad tears, frustrated tears, and happy tears.

There are many children in Nina's orphanage. Many hearts that have been forgotten. Many souls that long for love, for a family. Their faces will forever follow me, they will visit me in dreams and they will sit on my lap as I pray, so that I remember them and lift them up to the Father. It is so hard to leave them behind.

Jeremiah 49:11 says, "Leave your orphans; I will protect their lives." Today I find great comfort in those verses. No, it does not mean that no hardships will come their way, and it does not mean that in this world they will find love, but it does mean that the Lord is with them, that their lives are precious to God. He created them, He loves them, and His heart breaks for their lives and the brokenness of this world that has landed them in an orphanage, to be left alone. But they are never alone.

But there is one orphan girl. One sweet child that I get to take home. One little girl that will know that she is loved, that her life has great value, that her life is worth living. She will know that she is wanted.

I listened to Chris Tomlin's song this morning, "Amazing Grace" and the choirs made me stop.

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

On Tuesday, I will walk out of the orphanage with Nina in my arms. We will walk out and we will not look back. Her chains will be gone! She will be set free! We have followed God's calling, and we have come across the world to take a child that seems broken to the world, to take her and make her our own. Much like Christ did for us.

Yes, there have been sacrifices along the way. But they are worth it, her chains will be gone, she will be set free. And she will know about Jesus, she will know about her Savior. We can give her love, we can give her a family, but what really matters, what we really have to give...is Jesus.

And while we wait to come home, we will worship Him! We will worship while we are waiting, because of what He has done.

WE HAVE IT!!!

We have the referral! Oh it feels so wonderful to have it. Finally we can move on!

This morning I was reading some verses in Psalms, oh how I needed to read those! I should have read them a few days ago.

Some of the verses that really stuck out to me were:

"I trust him with all my heart"

"I will praise you forever"

"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you"

I was challenged, as I knew that had not been me the last few days, so I wrote in my journal.

"Am I living like I trust you Lord? Am I? With all my anxiousness and worry over getting Nina's referral, am I forgetting who you are? Am I sinning against you?

I trust you with all my heart, I really do. You are my strength and my shield and you hear me. You change my sorrow and sadness and change it into dancing and happiness.

I will praise you forever. I want my words and thoughts to be pleasing to you always, today and tomorrow.

Oh Lord you are my rock and my redeemer."

And so I gave it up to God, nothing is under my control, and my anxioussness was literally making me sick. I had to give it up, I could not carry such a load any longer. What a wonderful surrender.

I counted all the blessings and miracles He has worked in our adoption process. He is in this, and He is good (wise words form John Stumbo).

It was a few minutes later that we got the phone call, we could get our referral.

How good God is, oh how good. God is in this, and God is good.

Encouragement

And right when we feel low, God shows up and smiles at us through other people.

This is a journey of faith, and all in all it has been a sweet ride. We have seen God work and we have experienced His love in very special and meaningful ways.

Adoption: A Journey of Faith

“God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” Francis Chan

I recently came across this quote, as I read it, the tears started to flow, this is where we are at, this is our life.

Andy and I have really been battling discouragement the last couple of weeks. Adoption is an emotional roller coaster. We find ourselves in a situation where we will be in trouble if God does not come through, and while we wait, it is hard not to start questioning the outcome.

I sat across the desk from our County Assessor dealing with adoption documents and couldn't stop crying. Not only was it embarrassing, but it made me look inside and realize I had to deal with all the feelings inside of me. It was later that day that I first read the quote from Francis Chan. God was sending me a message.

When we decided to commit to adopt Nina, we knew from the beginning that this would be a journey of Faith. The eyes of the world might look at us and think that we are crazy. The sacrifices are many, and the timing might seem wrong. But this is what Faith means, this is what stepping out in obedience looks like. We will not question, but we will obey.

I would lie if I said that we don’t have questions, because we do.

“Can we really do this financially?”

“Am I willing to be gone from my girls for seven weeks?”

“Will it be a lonely Christmas with only Nina and myself?”

“Will Andy be okay playing “single parent” for a month?”

“Will our girls cope okay when we are both gone?”

“Will Nina fit into our family?”

“Will Ellie feel resentful having two sisters with Special Needs?”

“How will I handle being on my own in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language for so long.”

“Are we alone in this?”

Please know, many of these thoughts are not from God, we know that, but when emotions are raw, it is easy to entertain those thoughts and take comments or conversations negatively, even though they never were. It is more of a reflection of our lack of trust as we are so close to the goal, and so much in this process is out of our hands. As a matter of fact, it is because we are so close that our emotions run high as all the knots and bolts seem to still be scattered around us and we are not sure where they fit yet.

We knew from the beginning that there would be sacrifices, and we accepted them. We took our cue from Jesus and His sacrifice for us. He adopted us into His family, we are His beloved children and there was no price or time constrictions that would stop Him from getting us. And so we will do the same, trusting that He will provide.

Where God leads, He provides, and so we trust. This is our journey of Faith.

I want her home...

Today Andy spent some time researching Eastern Europe and their orphanages. The more we learn, the more we want to bring Nina home.

My heart breaks for all the orphans, but right now, my heart aches to hold Nina close.

I want to embrace and protect her from the world, I want her to know that she has a mommy and daddy that deeply love her and will do whatever it takes to bring her home.

I want her to know that she is special, and that her life has great meaning and great value. I want her to know that she belongs to God, that she is a daughter of the King.

I want her home.

The Beginning of Our Adoption Journey

When Nichole was a baby, I found a forum for parents of children with Down syndrome (downsyn.) It was a wonderful place for me to ask questions, be honest about my feelings, and also to receive support during the hard days of dealing with a new diagnosis.

What caught my attention was that several of these parents were in the process of adopting…another child with Down syndrome or with special needs. At the time, it blew my mind that these people were willingly choosing another child with a disability, it made no sense.

It did not take long for me to understand what these parents already knew. Having a child with Down syndrome had turned out to be better than good. Our lives had been transformed in such profound and positive ways that the thought of another child with Down syndrome was received with open arms. That, and the fact that many children with Down syndrome are not wanted and live their lives in Institutions until they die. They have no mommy or daddy to love them, to comfort them, or to cry for them when they die. It is heartbreaking. When you have been touched by someone with special needs, you cannot help but want to do something about this, to love on these children and bring them home.

For a long time I wondered when it would be us. I found myself looking at the little faces of precious children on Reece’s Rainbowand couldn’t help but fall in love with some of these kids. I would choose a child and pray and pray that they would find a family. Both kids I have prayed for have found a forever family.

If anything, I would encourage you to do the same. Visit Reece’s Rainbow and pray for one of these children!

On November 13, 2008 I wrote in my journal

“Lord, my heart aches. It aches for all the children in the world that do not have families to call their own. I look at all the little faces on Reece’s Rainbow and I cannot help but cry. These babies were not wanted because they are “less than perfect.”…I think about Nichole…you entrusted her to us, and I am thankful. I love her so much, you knitted her together in my womb and you do not make mistakes…Lord I pray that someday we are blessed by adopting one of these children…I am excited by what is to come. Our family will be richly blessed simply because we know you. If everything was stripped away, we still have you…Do in me as you please…I am fully and completely yours.”

Well…that day has come.

We are adopting!!!

Our daughter’s sweet face is on the right column of this blog, and we want to bring her home!

A few weeks ago Andy and I were looking at the orphans from Reece’s Rainbow. We always assumed that we would adopt another child with Down syndrome, but her face stole our hearts. She just looks like a Stumbo! Our sweet daughter has Cerebral Palsy, and she needs a loving family that will work with her and provide her with the help that she needs J Isn’t she sweet!

So here we are… we find ourselves allowing God to guide us and take us through this journey. We are trusting Him completely because by this world’s standards it makes no sense at all! We surely do not have the money, but we are trusting that God will provide, any way He chooses to do so, even if it is through a loan (people do this all the time to buy cars---was Andy’s cousin comment, so true!)

Pray for us as we embark on this new adventure. Pray for Nina. Pray for our family as well.

Life sure is exciting!