On November of 2009, we traveled to Ukraine to adopt our daughter, Nina. This blog chronicles the time from when we committed to her, to a year after she was home.
Nina has Cerebral Palsy, and like most orphans with special needs in eastern Europe, she would have been transferred to a mental institution between the age of 4-5. She has been a blessing in our lives!
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“God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” Francis Chan
I recently came across this quote, as I read it, the tears started to flow, this is where we are at, this is our life.
Andy and I have really been battling discouragement the last couple of weeks. Adoption is an emotional roller coaster. We find ourselves in a situation where we will be in trouble if God does not come through, and while we wait, it is hard not to start questioning the outcome.
I sat across the desk from our County Assessor dealing with adoption documents and couldn't stop crying. Not only was it embarrassing, but it made me look inside and realize I had to deal with all the feelings inside of me. It was later that day that I first read the quote from Francis Chan. God was sending me a message.
When we decided to commit to adopt Nina, we knew from the beginning that this would be a journey of Faith. The eyes of the world might look at us and think that we are crazy. The sacrifices are many, and the timing might seem wrong. But this is what Faith means, this is what stepping out in obedience looks like. We will not question, but we will obey.
I would lie if I said that we don’t have questions, because we do.
“Can we really do this financially?”
“Am I willing to be gone from my girls for seven weeks?”
“Will it be a lonely Christmas with only Nina and myself?”
“Will Andy be okay playing “single parent” for a month?”
“Will our girls cope okay when we are both gone?”
“Will Nina fit into our family?”
“Will Ellie feel resentful having two sisters with Special Needs?”
“How will I handle being on my own in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language for so long.”
“Are we alone in this?”
Please know, many of these thoughts are not from God, we know that, but when emotions are raw, it is easy to entertain those thoughts and take comments or conversations negatively, even though they never were. It is more of a reflection of our lack of trust as we are so close to the goal, and so much in this process is out of our hands. As a matter of fact, it is because we are so close that our emotions run high as all the knots and bolts seem to still be scattered around us and we are not sure where they fit yet.
We knew from the beginning that there would be sacrifices, and we accepted them. We took our cue from Jesus and His sacrifice for us. He adopted us into His family, we are His beloved children and there was no price or time constrictions that would stop Him from getting us. And so we will do the same, trusting that He will provide.
Where God leads, He provides, and so we trust. This is our journey of Faith.